Experience Design


Positive Behaviour Modification is a Matter of thoughtful design.

Behaviour modification fundamentally means making someone do something that they are not habituated to doing.

For years this has been attempted through various means – starting from  childhood,  school -in professional domain, in a society in relationships.
From the simple Carrot & stick, soft bribe, cajole to the more complex auto suggestion, ridicule, threat and  even physical violence, different methods have been used.

While all these may have worked to whatever extent, and there is no judgment about good or bad , here,  just from an objective view, do behaviours change – long term?

Before we begin any attempt to shift behaviours

Two questions to ask:

1. Is it Love based or Fear based:
            Which means the “experience” of this modification does it make the individual feel good and happy about himself? Or does it make him feel bad and guilty. There is enough research about how Oxytocin,  popularly know as the love hormone, is associated with boosting trust and Empathy – and makes you want to do the action even more.
On the other hand – fear pushes Cortisol hormone which pushes the body in a fight/flight mode, an indicator os stress and does not want to make you do something’s unless you have to . It  creates unpleasant and unhappy feeling . 

2. Is it Intrinsic :
Do they Want to or do they Have to  - Which means does it come from “Inside” – voluntarily from a Happy place – because this will then ensure repeatability and eventually create a habit. And, more importantly -  does the Individual fundamentally change as a human being in doing that action.


The Shift :

A Simple Mental Model to adopt while thinking about a solution is that:
Human Beings fundamentally want to contribute – They just don’t know how.

Experience Design can play a big role in Capitalising this perspective and building the experience around it. Irrespective of what the behaviour shift is.

3  Steps to Behaviour modification  through Experience Design:

 1. No Sermon
There is NO moral imperative attached – Most people KNOW what is good and bad, right and wrong – so you are not adding to anything – except – guilt. Because this ends up making people feel  wrong- small and bad. How can you do Good when you are feeling Bad?. I know this from experience, I have an 18yr. old son.

2. Link
Undesired behaviour “linked” through experience design into  positive impact. Create a correlation between  how a  single act of theirs is Creating an Impact, a positive one on the world outside – no matter how small. It's the classic Star fish story.
(In the attached Video the undesired: behaviour of using plastic bottles, and littering - Positive impact – feeding a dog)

3.Make it Visible
Often people are numbed to feedback loops – positive or negative – They feel their behaviour only, at the most impacts them. And if they can live with the cost – It’s OK. If the distance between action and their positive impact is shortened  AND made visible. – if people can literally SEE how their small actions can actually create contribution  - they are intrinsically motivated to DO that behaviour more – because we are hardwired for “giving” and wanting to make a difference.

Use of Plastic Bottles – Littering

Donating for a child


UP Syndrome.



We seem to be  society that is ‘afflicted’ by the UP Syndrome.

Have you ever noticed how we are almost obsessed with the word UP?

The graphs...productions.. career... growth.. productivity... always goes UP. Things need to look UP to be better… we have to grow UP … Move UP …Hold UP… Show UP.. Take UP ….even when we pray ..we look UP ..

2 weeks ago I was with a friend in Singapore who “accidentally” got called to work with children with Down Syndrome, and she was wondering what might be the purpose of this happening since she has no background in this kind of work.

Many years ago when I worked with NASEOH (National Society for Equal Opportunities for the Handicapped), an organization that works for providing equal opportunities for people who are differently abled. I had also worked with Down kids, and still remember the sheer joy of authentic honest uninhibited and  innocent conversations. And, what it brought out in me. I was a hard core Sales person  working in the highly competitive IT sector, and didn’t think too much of “soft stuff”

One of my most memorable conversations was with a young girl, Smita, 17 yrs. who would watch me for a few days from a distance. When I went to talk to her, she just got up walked away saying ‘I don’t feel like talking right now’.. no pretense..

A few days later I approached her again, she was fascinated by my dangling earrings. I removed and offered them to her, she took them without too much ado and wore them happily beaming and .. just got up and went away.. leaving me  a little perplexed.

A few week later, when I was sitting and working,  Smita walked up to me quietly…and tentatively kept her hand on my shoulder ..I turned, she was a tall girl and I had to look up. She stood there just looking at me ..I didn’t know how to respond.. so, I kept silent and didn’t attempt to do anything.

After what seemed like a few minutes… she smiled and said ..”Ab tum meri dost ho” – “Now, you are my friend”  - a declaration which filled me with so much pride…and feeing of acceptance. These feelings also made me realize how much I had wanted this.


I asked her, if until then, was I not her friend? Without a moment of hesitation she said NO. I was silent. She said she was ‘testing’ me… I said I didn’t understand what that meant. She said, she wanted to be sure I meant to treat her as an equal. I must admit, I was surprised, to hear her say those things…. She suddenly hugged me smiled and left..

I sat there thinking about how much this meant to her and me…the trust with which she touched me was so honest … that I remember it in my body.

And I could not help but wonder how many times have I been touched by such honesty in the “Normal” world. Such acceptance.. simplicity…and openness.
And ‘they’ have a Down syndrome.

Maybe be we have got it upside down…

How about if we stop and  Look at the world from that perspective. Most of the beautiful things are come down.. the rain comes down…the fruit falls down…river rushes down… when we show respect we bow down.. we fall in love.. when we feel  tender we look down…when we pray we do down …we meditate ..we slow down….

How about adopting a Down Syndrome?

Maybe ..we can also get to experience the Authenticity… The honesty.. The Simplicity.. The faith .. The Unconditional Love .. The joy of sharing and caring??

Studies have also shown, when around a Down Syndrome person, people become more patient.. loving.. slowed down.. empathetic.. and a few companies who have made it a policy to employ some Down Syndrome  employees have reported the overall stress levels gone down, teams becoming more close knit and over all atmosphere of Collaboration and looking out for each other.

And the “Graphs” by the way went up J
Just thinking of it makes me smile on the inside...




The Empty Boat

"When there is no way out...it's time to go in '~ Rhea


One of practices for the last 2 years has been this story... and through this I have been able to take baby steps on two paths :

1. To Integrate different parts of me and disintegrate the illusion of 'they'
2. Be compassionate

so here goes...


The Empty Boat :

One of the greatest of Zen masters, Lin Chi, used to say, "While I was young I was very fascinated by boating. I had one small boat, and I would go on the lake alone. For hours together I would remain there.

"Once it happened that with closed eyes I was in my boat meditating on the beautiful night. One empty boat came floating downstream and struck my boat. My eyes were closed, so I thought, `Someone is here with his boat, and he has struck my boat.' Anger arose.

I opened my eyes and I was just going to say something to that man in anger, then I realised that the boat was empty. Then there was no way to move. To whom could I express the anger? The boat was empty. It was just floating downstream, and it had come and struck my boat. So there was nothing to do. There was no possibility to project the anger on an empty boat."

So Lin Chi said, "I closed my eyes. The anger was there, but finding no way out, I closed my eyes and just floated backward with the anger. And that empty boat became my 
realisation. I came to a point within myself in that silent night. 

That empty boat was my master. And now if someone comes and insults me, I laugh and I say, `This boat is also empty.' I close my eyes and I go within."



Here is the link to the book by Osho, with this story
http://www.oshorajneesh.com/download/osho-books/responses_to_questions/The_Empty_Boat.pdf

The Alchemy of Pain


 Ever since I was  6 yrs. old,  I have been sketching pages after pages ..books after books of just two drawings -  an eagle and a Unicorn with wings.

Why?  - I do not know.

So, when Tattoo came up as an option  - many years later – I knew what I wanted. I had already got the eagle on my arm – it was now time for the Unicorn.

After a lot of research and discussion with my tattoo artist friend, Swapnil, I decided on the perfect (according to me) unicorn – and I also decided I wanted it on my nape. This was a birthday gift from me to me.

Excited I went to Swapnil’s  studio, and he traced the Unicorn on my nape – it was quite big  - I was excited – and could not wait to get started.

In all this excitement of  - finally!! – I  had forgotten one thing about me – I had a very low pain threshold – just getting my eyebrows done is a 40 minutes – wet eyes and lot of tissues  - ordeal.

So when he stared with the first curve – I literally had goose bumps from the excruciating pain (all those people who, when they see a tattoo – and ask  - “does it hurt? “  - the answer is  f#$%^ …YES . and on the neck ..It hurts even more)

I had to ask Swapnil to pause – while I could breathe – He let me have my time -  I was ready and he started again … the pain was so intense that it shot through my very core and involuntary tears rolled from my eyes – I pulled away from him instinctively – he saw my tears and started laughing …

It was funny. I was also laughing at the silliness..after all I was the one who asked for it... but on the very inside. Outside -  the pain was real and white. The humour was lost on it's way out..

I realized that the Unicorn was big – and would take many “strokes” – I had no idea how I was going to get through this…

My rational mind kept kicking me in the head  - why did I have to select such a big picture – could I not do with a ‘small’ one? - so much pain – and tears… 

Because THAT is what I wanted – nothing else – I had just not bargained for the price.

And now there was no going back.
I figured that I would have to walk through this …how? - I had no idea.

I went back and decided to be “wilful” and courageous ..he started again .. I bit my lip and clenched my fists and sat- forcing myself not to whimper or pull away – I was all wound up.

This way.. it worked a little – I got through 5 minutes this time before I pulled away again…

Swapnil grumbled kindly , that this whole tattoo was going to take non stop 2 hours and if I kept stopping every 5 minutes we would take forever…

I was dizzy with all the pain -  holding back and not breathing…
It felt like I had reached the pinnacle of pain
There was nowhere to go - to hide . What I was running away from, had fully caught up with me.
I realised I could not  - now,  mid way turn back.

Turning back was NOT an option.

And then..  something shifted inside me…

I realized that the Pain was inevitable – the delicate skin was scratched by three needles at the same time.. blood oozed .. it was going to happen - I could not wish it away - there was no choice.

But… suffering was in my mind.. and therefore ... I had a choice.

I decided to separate the pain from suffering.

With this new perspective and strategy I went back . I still didn't know if this would work..but I had to find out .

Just getting this clarity and seeing this choice - I felt calmer and in a different place on the inside.



No longer – clenched and closed

This acceptance of the inevitable pain somehow had allowed me to become soft and open once again…

Swapnil started – and the a shaft of pain went down my spine – I stayed and just breathed in the pain – and relaxed into my body… in my mind instead of running away from my neck - I went there and stayed there - as a few minutes went by with more strokes  - my breathing became more steady and then dropped into a normal pace.. the sensation of pain on my neck was there – but since  I had decided not to suffer – I could “watch” the pain and not be in pain.

I decided to “see” the pain more closely just to amuse myself  – I started to hear the buzz of the needles and the change in the rhythm as Swapnil changed the direction of the needed – it was a surreal experience – like I was watching a  slow motion movie – It felt like it was happening somewhere far off and my mind kept doing it usual wander -  nothing forced - no rejection – even when I kept coming back to the process deliberately   .

Swapnil would stop for some rest on his own every 20 minutes or so…But for the rest of the duration I didn't so much as flinch .

I realized I had had an epiphany – I realized in a real situation and not intellectually – that suffering was a choice.

Years later going through Vipassana I realized that the sanskrit word for Pain was "Vedana" and research told me that the root word for Vedana  was "Ved" meaning Wisdom. When I blocked or ran away from pain - I was also blocked the wisdom that would  come from it. 

It's so beautiful the way nature attaches the most powerful wisdom and lessons to an experience of pain so that we are 'fully' alive in that moment -like birth - like the caterpillar .

I keep remembering this lesson – especially when I am going through physical or emotional pain. That  all I need to do is just these 3 things:

Accept
Breathe
Choose

And this too shall pass - My unicorn is my teacher.





Food for thought.

I never realized house hunting could be such an enriching experience. It’s not over ..and neither is the merry-go-round.

I was waiting for the agent in the wrong (or maybe the right after all) place…I decided to make the most of my wait.. and casually asked a shopkeeper if there were houses on rent in that area, that he knew of– turns out this guy himself was an agent – and  - “would I want to see a house in that very building ?,  how synchronous I think, –that was about to go on rent? – Of course I said – and went with this person to the 6th floor flat – obviously unannounced.

The lady of the house was unapologetically annoyed with the agent for “barging in on a Sunday”  and refused to allow anyone in.. I stood there just watching all this heated exchange – at least this was something different from watching the busy traffic go by noisily. She caught me looking at her and softened – I look away, slightly embarrassed, I didn't particularly want to go anyway – she addressed me and said she was sorry and it wasn't about me  and I could go in and see the house – but the agent stayed out.. I smiled ..a little amused..

She was de-shelling green peas with her 20yr. old son watching some TV show – no wonder she was annoyed – I thought. I went around the house -  it was ..well..messy and crowded and I already didn’t like it . In 2 minutes I had made up my mind….I went to see the kitchen last .same thing ..crowded.

But then I noticed the unmistakable biryani pot on the gas - with the heavy grinding stone kept on the dough sealed lid - ..simmering with promise.. and the delicious  aroma of  Hyderabadi  biryani (the best kind) reached me.. so I casually asked her if that is in fact what it was.. she was delighted and her eyes lit up as she confirmed and also added that she had made it...pause...she asks  if I  would like to eat some ..I,  of course said no.. she insisted - even as I was leaving the house after 3 minutes.... I smile and agree without too much thought or further ado.

She goes to the kitchen takes a fancy plate and I get the privilege of getting the first cut .. her maid working in the kitchen watches –unsmiling and confused.. I am after all a stranger….

I sit and eat the really delicious biryani which, Naz, my new friend has made and we talk about her kids and what she is planning to do after she moves – her pride and concern about her older sons job interview - her husbands business of interiors etc. – interjected with her very generous  - “please have some more" – and .. "I am sorry there the raita–(salad) is not ready"

As I am relishing both ,the food and the conversation, - I think of at least half a dozen friends who would give me a, well meaning, earful about my “Irresponsible behaviour” – and how can I just walk into some random house – and sit and eat a full meal…. I think about…how trust is such an effortless act and feeling in most cases.. and while the world may be turning topsy-turvy with all kinds of crimes etc.. it has not yet fallen apart. The reason, I suspect  - are these pockets of kindness and trust and connection that still exists…that underneath all the fears and prejudices people want to trust and connect.

I breathe in deeply after my last morsel.. nourished in my body and heart.

I am done with eating and ready to go now..Naz tells me that she will speak to few people about my requirement and make sure that I don't end up paying the high agent fee.. I am touched by her concern...we hug – slightly longer than what you would a -“stranger”. She assures me I am not alone in the new area should I choose to move. I smile – we exchange phone numbers and I come down .

The street is still crowded – but the strangers  have a familiar face now. I am filled with a deep sense of security and gratitude,


An Ode to the Bolero.