Chikki Bar

Travelling to Delhi and back is an ordeal in itself. To top it my flight was at 9pm. I had been working back-to-back from 8.30 am. And I had had a few really hard days emotionally and physically. All in all I wasn’t in any mood for gay.

After randomly browsing through people, on a very crowded airport, reminding me of Kolkata train station. People sitting on the floor with their bags..eating etc.,  I gave up.

I was reluctantly and rebelliously hungry, so I ordered a Pizza (eye roll).. Waited for 25 minutes and then answered to a butchered version of my name being called (a few times since I didn’t not recognize it I didn’t go to get my Spicy supreme Pizza) – He was annoyed  - I competed - He won.

I very roughly took the pizza ..balancing the Bag and the luggage bag looked around in vain at the over  crowded sitting area..to notice who was ..about to get up.

A lady suddenly caught my eye and signaled me to go to their table..I did..thinking they were done. But she got up and offered me her seat..while still eating from her husbands plate. I was reluctant..but she insisted that I had too many things on my hands  (which was true in more ways than one)

When I still refused to sit..she held my hand sat me down and almost tucked me in.

And to not embarrass me further she turned away and got into a conversation with her husband.

I was touched ... to say the least at this generous random act of kindness, just when I needed it.

I looked around me at the cacophony of human beings and wondered at the collective potential for kindness… If only.

The food(not so much the Pizza) nourished my soul..

Waking up from this revere I suddenly realized that I was about to get late to board ..so I rushed.. I tried to look for this angel lady but they had long since left. I offered a silent thank you prayer

I went off and after a long snake queue (in which I stood – normally I just sit it out) this day I felt I had a little spring in my step

As far as I was concerned my evening was made..with this touch of Magic.. but the universe wasn't done ..yet.

We got on to the bus that takes us to the flight.. I was standing with my earphones plugged in.. A very tall lady walked and stood in front of me. Still reading, “White Magic”. I smile to myself at the “Coincidence" and make a mental note of checking this book out. Another, hassled young mother of two kids also came and stood  next to me. The little boy of 2 kept making loud noises and gestures. Much to the embarrassment of this mother.

And then another person, an old important looking businessman in a grey business suit entered with the familiar laptop bag over filled. I noticed he was eating a chikki bar (An Indian sweet candy made up of peanuts and jaggery) in a rather fast hurried focused pace.. like he was hungry..or distracted...deep in his thoughts.  Before the bus got filled and moving he had  finished two bars.. I was amused.

The Chikki  looked good.. groundnut jaggery in a pink foil wrapper.

I had a sudden craving for sweet. I swallowed and looked away ..forcing myself to be distracted.

The man again reached out in his laptop bag and pulled out yet another chikki bar.. I noticed he had a bag full.

By now the little 2 year old boy and me were both eyeing the chikki that the man was eating.. the boy kept reaching out and I smiled at him..secretly telling him to ask for me too.

The mother, of course even more embarrassed kept telling him “to behave himself and not ask for things from strangers" ... I smile thinking what if the boy became a sales person.. he he he ... The tall lady also looked up and almost admonished the little boy.

It crossed my mind whether this incident would remain in the grown up memory of this little boy and would he hold himself back from asking for what he wanted…

The bus kept moving.
Not at the pace of my imagination, thankfully.

The man miraculously turned his attention from his determined focus on the chikki bar and caught the little boy drama..and good-naturedly reached out in his goody bag and pulled another chikki bar and offered it to the very happy boy..

This was my chance ... !!

Before I could catch myself.....I said,  “I also want one” .... Silence !!

He paused…

The mother paused..

It was comical... I swear, like  a road runner moment.

and the white magic lady looked up at me..I am pretty sure with a,  "I can't believe you just did that " look

I, well... I just waited … laughing in my head..

After this suspended moment the man registered what had just happened....

He grinned a big grin and said a  loud ... “Sure … of course.. they are really tasty” .. I know .. he suddenly morphed into a funnily dressed but really friendly Santa Claus.

I took that bar readily and happily. Our man.. suddenly felt so good at sharing offered it to the tall lady also ..who(very sophisticatedly) declined . Our man now caught in the flow, offered it to the driver of the bus..who was suddenly very happy as well.. somehow he was caught in the avalanche of giving…and almost noticing how much better it felt to not just eat alone.(of course worked great for me J )

The man and I laughed and the mother joined in, it looked like it had been a while that she hadn't laughed.... a few stray, also tired people ..who were pretending not to notice all this..also joined the laughter…

Suddenly from a somber tired irritated late evening.. it felt like a Christmas night.

We got off ..a very different bunch of people that when we got in...!!!

Santa Claus (you know who) .. was chuffed. And so were a lot of other people including the boy who was driving our bus..I don’t think anyone notices him.

And somehow everyone was a little more aware of the others around and wanted to see if they would also help and give something... It was one of those feel good moments video you see on youtube.

I didn't need to get on the flight and fly.. I was already high

As I sat down in my seat.. I was struck by two things …

The Power of asking like a child brought out the innocence of giving. And how both benefitted. 

I hope we can ask like the little child and not get struck with the grown up do and don’ts..and live with regrets.

and how it is so natural for human beings to want to be part of something which is inherently good and innocent. ..and how much of this we have forgotten in the process of growing up ..pretending to.

And yes..

Between the angel lady who tucked me in and Santa Claus who gave me 2 (yes) bars of Chiikki.. I felt really good and taken care of.

Note to self: Ask for what you want.and don't forget to thank the Universe

All in all Delhl trip was good.

  

Cloud Lines

It was a strange day.

Serene, quiet and eloquent  

The kite in my backyard

Was restless

Or so it appeared

It kept circling

Not bothered about all the loud crows that sounded scared.

It was looking

For something…

The lines that the clouds had drawn across the sky

Were neatly laid out

A little Too neatly I thought.

And everywhere …

I felt like I was in a game,

a cosmic game

But I didn’t know the rules

The lines

They looked like someone had thrown a bucket of cloud lines

across the brilliant blue sky;

And called out a pattern

And now

It was my turn.

I stand there looking up at the sky
Oblivious to the cacophony of the traffic on the road
And watch the cloud lines shift

Ever so slowly..

But the pattern is still intact

I feel like I am being asked to write something

on those lines

Pun not intended.

I am confused.

Suspending conclusion, thankfully.

And curious

And excited to read what I will write

And what will be the universe’ next move

I walk ahead

With a faint smile

Empty headed, almost

Light hearted

And

Sure footed.

Rhea

The Story of Gold

This is an insight from a me-to -me experiment that I am doing with Gold.

Growing up I have had an emotional, and a physical allergy to gold.  I have always been a silver person. In my younger days I considered it an act of defiance. Gold, at least in my mind, has been synonymous with tradition, patriarchy, power. Everything I rebelled against (why is a story for a different time). Silver was soft, not rigid and, with a sense of freedom, bohemian.

Having been in the Leadership and Transformation space, I have also been intrigued by the process of Alchemy, the making of Gold.

I have also often wondered, growing up on movies like McKenna’s gold, Indianna jones etc. What was so precious about gold? With the rush..  the madness. the perceived importance and value.. across cultures. Alchemists and their lives dedicated to making gold… Why was Gold so important?

what was the big deal?

In this gold quest, of my own.. I stumbled upon some information and insights. And many dots are joining.

I started with questions like, What is gold, How was gold born? Where did it come from?  What were its origins?

Gold is extraterrestrial.  It was not born on earth.  It is born in space. It is born of a star. A star called Supernova, yes! the bright shining star..maybe it gets is gleam from that.

In the corporate space I have often heard the term Supernova used to glorify and appreciate some super achievers and given supernova awards. It meant, just that shining Super Star.

Now as I researched and got to understand. Supernova is actually, a ‘Dying Star”.

So here is the Story of Supernova. Like with everything, to understand something, in this case gold, one has to go back to its origins.

And by the way.. The story of Supernova and Gold..Is also the story of Leaders and leadership.

Supernova wasn’t always supernova, the bright star. It was just another regular star. Stars are made up of hydrogen, the simplest and lightest element. So..it goes about without any care frolicking, for some time.

Over time, the star cannot handle all this simplicity and lightness and the gravitational pull of its core, which has started to get complex..  puts pressure on  these hydrogen elements pulls them in and triggers nuclear fusion in the stars core.. Causing it to expend large amounts of energy. This expending of large amount of energy is what looks like shine... and we see a ‘Shining’ star.

This ‘Shining’ phase goes on for many years.. But Alas!! over time the constant internal fusion causes the once, light and simple hydrogen particle to now become heavy and complex. It gets converted into heavier elements like helium, iron and nickel.. and the weight of this, now, can no longer be supported by the core. It does not have the internal energy to sustain what it created.. these have now become complex substances. 

Classic

The core wears out and the pressure from the outer layers collapses in on the center. When the core completely collapses with the pressure from its own created environment… caving in under the enormous pressure and amount of energy.. the star explodes..  into a ‘Supernova’  - Supernova is not a thing..its is a Process. Process of a Bright Star Dying . 

What we see as a Big Bright wonderful star and celebrate, is actually the death process. Momentarily seen as the Brightest in the sky.

Again.. the story of some People and Organizations

The story so far is ..well.. depressing.  And also familiar. If we map it to our own life span.. starting with simplicity and lightness to becoming more complex and heavy and eventually collapsing under our own weight. 

True of Individuals true of Organizations.  

We still have to go on… death is the end of a phase… just like in the case of this star.

 So we continue..

The Supernova explosion releases such extreme pressure and energy that it now ‘forces’ its sub-atomic particles to come together creating “neutrons”.   (funny how it takes pressure and devastation for things to come together - the cosmic and the inane not so different after all ) .
Neutrons are neutral. They have no charge.

They then keep getting captured and transformed into heavier more solid elements on their own, without the stars interference. Converting  to iron, silver, gold, nickel and uranium. And these elements are splattered into the cosmic space..and some land on earth.. like our gold. 
Phew!!.

It is interesting that in contrast to the conversion in the older story of hydrogen to helium, which takes many years until its death, the new story of transformation from neutrons to other solid particles takes only seconds. 

Time to question the assumption, that transformation takes time.

So there it is.

I now have a whole new understanding of Alchemy as a transformation process.

This is how Gold is Born. Through a transformation process.  

It takes a Star to be born, to shine,to die, a Supernova effect to happen, the core to completely be touched and scorched by extreme heat ..in order to give birth to Gold.

Born from a humble neutron, which has no charge,  comes to birth this time-less, precious legend called Gold.

I also see how we regularly use examples of  Gold becoming pure only after going through the fire. We ascribe gold and its value to “purity”.  Purity, strictly speaking in gold terms, is the process of all  the other impure chemicals mixed with gold to burn in fire till it eventually stops reacting to the surrounding elements. 

Becoming non-reactive,  pure and neutral.. just like its genesis.

Just like our genesis.
But.. Before that we have to go through the fire and the supernova process. 
That is the cosmic design.

Rhea

Silence

Perhaps there is more to silence

Than mere absence of words

I have felt silence, in the middle of torrential words.

Felt the warmth of it’s holding

Felt the crevices and cracks on my skin be gently filled by it..

Like a master sculptor

Felt it’s gentle love as it soothed and softened the insides
of my mind .. my throat
as I swallowed -  words.

There is something so palpable about silence, moving powerful

I can’t help but notice the feeble struggle of words,

I empathize.

Silence is, also how I communicate, sometimes

When,

I fail to democratize words

and get lost in the myriad meandering of meanings

exhausted by the search.

Why does everything have to have a meaning?

What meaning does my little bird make of the sudden water from my top neighbors balcony, that drenches it ?

Silence has also been reduced to meaning..

Needing to be explained.. justified.. tried

Like a petty criminal.

Perhaps it’s time to question our own relationship with silence

And not attempt to explain it..

With words.

Perhaps

It’s time to break  the silence on words

Rhea

The Illusion called Time

10.15 p.m.: I am returning home in a rickshaw after a very long exhausting day, physically and emotionally, I had extreme ‘high’ day after two days of  ‘low’.. so in all a roller coaster…

It unusually cold in Mumbai..or maybe it’s just me..I pull my warm pink shawl tighter around me…. And all I want to do is be quiet and reflect.. deep in my thoughts I am pondering over some questions that I am asking myself.. and feel like gravity is suddenly very active…

Lost in my thoughts .. as the rickshaw stops at the signal.. A beggar woman comes with her chubby but barely covered child. A year and half old maybe…

I don’t have the energy to even say ‘no’ so I just look at and past her..  

It’s a usual sight on Mumbai streets… these people have become like the signal post, at which we had stopped.,  always there..  and so,  conveniently ignored.

In a minute my rickshaw will move ..and so will this nagging conscience, or so I want to believe.

And then this little boy suddenly emulated his mom.. and did the ‘begging action’, the sudden movement shakes me out of my revere and I notice the goose bumps on his little hand for the first time.. and painfully became aware of the warm shawl ..the cold weather and,  my hot tears.. 

just as the rickshaw is about to move I put a ten-rupee note in the mother’s hand... mostly,  for me.

We moved from that signal.. but I could not stop crying.. The rickshaw driver and me exchanged a glance in the rear view mirror.. and he shook his head, we both knew what we were thinking about.

“It’s a tough life madam”, he said… “and sometimes what you see on these roads makes to relook at your own life..”

I look up ..silently wanting him to say more... I certainly wanted to relook at my own life..

Rajesh, the driver then started telling me about an incident that happened a week prior when he was taking  a man with a very sick wife to the hospital.. The wife was in a lot of pain.. She had a burst appendicitis, the man urged Rajesh to drive faster … they were going to a government hospital, because this guy was poor, he  didn’t have the money to go to a private hospital which was closer. 

Rajesh said, the government hospital was far and the wife was about to faint. The man said he only had 500 rupees and the private place would ask at least 3000 to even admit.

All this conversation, while Rajesh was trying his best to drive as quickly as possible,  maneuvering the traffic and his own internal dilemma.

Rajesh then told me..in a matter of fact voice, that he had 2500 rupees on him, two days of hard earned money…, that he offered to this ‘unknown’ man.. 'I would just drink the money away as I usually do' , he said.. but this money could save a life, and it was ok to forego the alcohol.

But the man,  although taken aback by this act of kindness.. refused.

pause

By the time Rajesh reached the hospital.. the wife had died.

Rajesh drove them back to their house left the 2500 quietly with the uncontrollable crying man and left.

He had tears in his eyes when he told me this… He told me how helpless he felt and how he thought about life and what he believed to be important. And how timing was everything.

He decided to stop drinking completely after this incident.

As I sat there listening to him.. I was also pondering on.’ Timing’ and the illusion of time and how it all boiled down to some moments…of being present Fully to another human being.

Moved by these 3 stories that had unfolded in a matter of 30 minutes… The little boy, the couple in the rickshaw and Rajesh…..  Somehow, my own story and questions had a new perspective..
Gravity lessened it's hold somehow.

The irony of waiting at the Signal... is not lost to me.

 Grateful for the long 30-minute ride.