October Wind

October Wind

It rose,
Suddenly.
Uninhibited
Unbridled

Unchecked
Unfamiliar

And spread
Like warm honey
Effortless.

Not holding back
Not asking for permission
Unapologetic
Celebrating the courage

Loud for words,
Quiet for the world.

My eyes wet, with wonder
Breath held pregnant
Mind deliciously suspended

I felt it.
I felt Shy.

Water

I was the wind

Once

Going where ever I felt like

Carrying grains of stories

From one place

To another.

Sometimes gentle

Sometimes a whirlwind

Flirting with tree tops

Changing my mind and direction

on a whim

Not caged

Of no fixed address

I was Free.

Then I grew up

And became fire

I was angry

And believed in the myth of Independence

And self righteously

Burned to purity

What I though was wrong

Creating separateness

It took courage…

I was Proud.

I stood still

The lava solidified

Became the Rock.

Made peace with the wrongs

Consolidated

Reached some ”conclusions”

Created an identity

Gulped the tears

Hard contours

Immovable - Dependable

I was Rigid.

..and then,

One day

On the periphery of my mind

I caught a glimpse

Of the dew drop

Glistening…Still.. fragile

Immaculate.

I saw

The whole world reflected in it.

The illusion of ‘Separateness"

Started to melt

I closed my eyes

And tears flowed

Breaking all barriers

Like a tsunami

Washing away

My carefully build identity

Leaving me happily with the debris

Of what I was ..

Words start dropping

Compassion arises.

Meaningless

Form less

Identity less

And yet,

Free to be Anything.

My journey

Is now

acceptance

Holding up a ship

Slipping through fingers

Flow.

Gentle

Peace

I am water.

-Rhea 

The Wave

As I sat on the rocks..
And watched the waves
I was struck by the raw power
The resilience

The Celebration

The Journey.

The joy with which the Wave ..Rushed

To the edge

With a Symphony

With a War Cry

To End

To Break

To Begin

To Merge

With the Ocean

As I watched..

The Wave…

I notice something else

Just at the point where the wave starts to turn

On it journey towards the end

At the curl

It  turns a transparent Blue white

At the Center..

At the Heart

The Eye.. of the wave.

The spot where,

The “light” reflects

The soft bright center

Momentarily

It becomes the light.

And then

It rolls

And loses itself

Not sad

Not apologetic.

Grand…Head held high.

The churn..is all White.

My eyes

Trail at the dark grey waters behind

Pregnant ..Deep

Full of stories

The many lives this wave lived.

Silent teacher.

This wave.

Touched Deeply by..

The Unapologetic purity of its Being

The Effortless dropping of its identity

The Humble willingness to merge.

Sigh.

A Lesson in graceful dying.

Rhea.

Contemplation

If not….

To Watch the waves turn white as they crash on the shore

To Contemplate the spiders daily routine

To Know and wait for your special sparrow to show up

To Wonder if gravity malfunctioned

To Think about the conversations in a space hundreds of years ago

To Ache to know the story behind the wrinkles

To Keep discovering delightful aspects of yourself

To Stand under an open sky and gaze after balloon that disappears

To Read and be lost in the blend of the lives of the author and the characters

To Wander in a crowded city street without a thought of return

To Laugh over and over again at the same thing with the same intensity

To Marvel at the courage on the faces of street kids

To Hear in your heart what someone’s words are unable to articulate

If not for all this..

Life..

What is the point .

Rhea

Shooting Star

Outstretched hands
Face towards the sky
I stepped toward the edge
Wanting to catch the shooting star

I slipped and fell

It took my breath away.

Held by faith

Caught by wonder

Hands... still outstretched

I am the Shooting Star.

The White Trail

The white- that was not so pure

Rough – coarse

Almost invisible

Trying to camouflage
But definite.
It’s path.

On a rampage
It corroded everything
The carefree hearts
The innocent smiles
The trusting hugs
The dreams..
Of Colourful wooden tops

Left it’s taste
In the mouth
Of the future

The White of anger
Of Blind righteousness
Of Absence
Of Loss
Of Hopelessness
Of the void…
Of displaced memories

Of tears
Unshed

I look up
Surprised by the taste
of salt on my lips

I am surprised
By the intensity of pain
It’s not mine…
Or maybe
It is

The white trail
Has found it’s way to me
Across the Borders
After all.

A deep realization
A coming Home
A Finding
I am just another you.

A Silent Prayer
Escapes.
Dear God let me never forget this.

Rhea

Clarity

The clarity 

was so to the point

That is was shattering.

It cut through 

Some old cobwebs

Of dead beliefs

scrap books

And pages yellowed with 

Non potent pollen

It was at war

With voices.

Some of them

mine.

It was so sure 

Of itself

That the pattern of my breath

on the frosted window

Remained ..

Gentle

Unchanged

The scribbled names..

though...

Have Started fading

It was bright 

blinding..

To the point of darkness

I could not see

What I was used to seeing

It hurt

My eyes Too

After a period of...

Suspended 

Forcibly unfinished thoughts

Tears that had been forced into habit

It called out the bluff

Of ghost dreams

Full of form

No substance

I opened my 

Eyes..

And saw..

What was there

For a long time

Tears were set free

They rushed joyfully

To the heart.

The Shattering 

Allowed more integrity

The illusion of choice

Disappears.

3 A.M.

It’s 3 a.m.
And I don’t remember
If I woke up
Or haven’t slept.

In the hour,

That kisses,

The night and day.

Wishes to see,

and yet not.

Yearns for the dawn

and still holds on to the dusk

I sit up.

Blushing.

Faint traces of a dream

Or memory

Stick to my lips

Like an after taste

Of jaggery

I lick my lips

Slowly

In anticipation..

Careful

Not to wipe it out completely.

Hoping

This would bring back

Some details.

Some clarity

Some semblance

of sanity

The dream..

Like the taste on my lips

Flirts

Hides

Plays peek-a-boo

Shows itself 

just enough,

For me to know.

It was.

Could be.

Is.

I go back to sleep

Cradled 

In faith.

 - Rhea 

No Matter What

In between the experience and it’s lessons,
Many things get filled.
Distraction.
Delusion.

Arrogance.

Apathy.

Till one day you get tired of the old games.

In the space between No and Yes,

A lifetime passes by

Filled with..

Self fulfilled prophecies.

Other peoples Voices

Fears.

Illusion of comfort zones.

Till one day you decide to stand at the edge of a cliff and scream your Truth

In the self imposed dilemma between choices

There is..

Suspended animation

Stagnation

Slow death

Dozens of diary pages filled with "What If’s…"

Till the unadulterated clarity of your being, dissolves the illusion of choice.

Did you really believe that you could withstand

the light of your own being ?

That you would gather enough evidence to believe

you are not divine, and continue sleeping.

or pretend to?

That on this hero’s journey

You can keep on with the refusals

Till the end?

Living like loving,

Is not A because;

It’s a

No matter What.

~ Rhea

Always

There were shadows
and it was ok.
There was light
and it was ok.

There were silences

which froze in midair..

And words that stuck to

the inside of my mouth

And it was ok.

There was innocence

and It meandered

And there was fear

and It was shy

And it was ok.

A part of my soul

wants to ride the milky way

And the other just wants to

sit in the folds of my jasmine flower

And its Ok.

In the still 

boundary less Universe

With no beginning 

and no End

Everything

Is OK.

~ Rhea

Rendevous

Tears rushing

Hair tumbling

Heart racing

Cheeks burning

Blood pounding in my ears

Or was it the sea?

The wind stinging

My flushed face

Hot.

My feet kissing the ground

Fleetingly

Reminding…

My breath

Caught in my throat

Coming through a sponge of

Realizations

The Smile

that I can’t stop.

From my moist eyes.

I didn’t see this coming..

Everything else

The past .. The future

A blur

Not away  from

Not towards

I run into my arms

Joyfully.

Oh!!! I have missed you.

~ Rhea

Held

Oh it’s that time of the year
Is it the only time of the year?
When you think of me cry
Go to my grave and sigh

Do not stand by my grave
Those precious tears, save
I am not there,
I am everywhere.

I was about to say , “I told you”
But right now…
I will just hold you..

I am the new brave pink leaf
I am the Soil that smells sweet with the first rain
I am the big rabbit from your dreams
I am the dancing shadow on the wall

I am that pause, when you are undecided
I am the signs when you feel guided

I am the skip in your walk
I am the breath in your hugs

I am the conversation
That lets you come undone

I am you , sometimes
in the mirror
and sometimes
I am the voice in your head

I am the search
That lets you stretch your imagination

I am the tears in your heart
Where the world hurts

I am also your laughter.
Where the world celebrates

Know that I am ..
Always.

Because You are.
Always

Remember
Life is only a series of new beginnings..

Rhea

Coming Home

A bit musty

The air
Familiar yet
new somehow

The footprints show

the amount of dust

Settled around the steps

I had taken

I hear sounds 

amidst the silences

I look in the direction

Memories

Keep flirting with time

I smile

I don’t sigh

I am amused

Some things I had

meticulously covered

To keep them safe.

The mirror was one of them

I pull down the drape

Blue with tiny white flowers

I expect to see the same mirror

It isn’t.

I smile

Tentatively at first

As the dust starts settling

I don’t flinch

I shake the drape even more

Imagining the white flowers

come off the sheet and fly

Throwing caution to the wind

I turn my head up

This feels like stardust…

Pieces of me are settling down

I have come home.

Rhea 

Be Present

With

Eyes full of soft longing..
yet
voice hard

With the effort to stop the quiver

Heart full of gentle poetry

Yet

Head pulled a little higher..

with doubt

Arms that reach out to hold

Yet

At the end of their journey

Push away

The song that keeps playing

In the background

Yet

The silences

In the conversation

I can see you.

Your soul is transparent.

Breathe.

You have held the breath too long….

This might be the best part of that song.

Open.

Don’t settle for less

Never mind the mess

Trust.

Your worst fears are behind you

Everything you have ever lost

Is waiting for you

To be present.

 Rhea

Fragile

I held some dew drops

On a green leaf
Delicately in my palm

Awestruck

Breathtaking

Beautiful

Fragile

Balancing I walked

Tried to keep them

from falling  

Spilling

Dropping

Till,

They evaporated.

I have memories

Of seeing the world in them.

Humbled by the  

Fragile and Ephemeral nature

of what we hold

....

and of the one who holds it.

Rhea